Genuine smiles from Lauren and a dog after seeing "How to Train Your Dragon" in 3-D

I’m sorry, Lauren. I’m sorry that an innocent person like you had to be dragged into Jake’s ramblings. Your love for 3-D is okay. We all understand. Well, all but one of us, apparently (ahem, Jake). See, there are many others like you. There are people all over this world that have fallen in love with this new universe brought to our movie houses. THIS ENTIRELY NEW DIMENSION that can be accessed simply by putting on a pair of glasses. You’re not alone.

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James Cameron says "HARRUMPH!" Photo by Dalboz 17

Avatar didn’t win Best Picture.

All is well in the world.

That is all.

This year the highly prestigious film awards, the Academy Awards, are doing something they have never done in its entire 81 years of existence.

The Academy didn’t select the usual five nominees for best picture but an astounding 10. Does this mean that this year had a lot of highly acclaimed works of film art? Or has this year been so poor for Hollywood that they just need a large number to encourage more viewers? There is speculation either way, but the list it self is enough controversy to argue over.

The full list of nominees is as follows:

• The Hurt Locker
• The Blind Side
• An Education
• Inglorious Basterds
• Precious
• A Serious Man
• Up In the Air
• District 9
• Up
• Avatar

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Today, January 26, 2010 – a date which will live in infamy – ‘Avatar’ passed ‘Titanic’ and is now the highest grossing movie ever.

EVER.

I’m sure I’m not the only one slightly ticked about this. I mean, ‘Avatar’ was okay, but that’s all. It was just okay. It was nothing even remotely close to ‘Titanic’ or ‘The Dark Knight,’ now the second and third highest grossing movies in history, thanks to those damn Navis.

There’s nothing at all epic about it compared to ‘Titanic’ and ‘The Dark Knight.’ Take the characters, for example. Hottie patottie Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson versus Sam Worthington as Jake Sully in avatar form.
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Alas, your sparkly face failed to stir me... but why?! Courtesy 20th Cenutry Fox

I’m not elitist.

I swear to God I’m not elitist.

PROOF THAT I AM NOT ELITIST (In visually pleasing Pyramid list form)

-Xbox!

-I love fast food!

-Shakira and Beyoncé are great musicians!

-Hey! If you want, I’ll watch American Idol with you!

-Also, I hear Ellen DeGeneres is on American Idol now! Sweet!

~

Now that my non-elistism has been qualified, I would like to painfully admit something to you all.

I didn’t like Avatar.

I mean, it was fun, I suppose, but fun in the way getting slapped by a friend is. It’s kind of thrilling, but about 15 seconds afterwards it leaves a mark and really actually hurts. Avatar hurts.

The 3-D glasses, they hurt your face.

They are mega-huge-future glasses with small windshield sized lenses. Mind you, I already wear glasses. Having to wear two pairs of glasses for 2 hours and 42 minutes destroyed my nose bridge and left giant throbbing red marks on the backs of my ears where they had been pinched by state-of-the-art IMAX plastic. Read more…