It’s going to be tough to begin to describe how this topic came up. To put it simply, there was a combination — in a 24 hour time frame — of an old friend from high school reminiscing with me over the kart video game genre, a conversation with one of my roommates about how Jake and I didn’t debate during our last post and needed a legit debate to surface again, and a video of a kart game named Modnation that will shatter all of our tiny universes. But how we came to this point doesn’t really matter. What does matter is what I’m about to do. I’m about to support one of the biggest underdogs of underdogs. It’s going to be like choosing Puffs over Kleenex or NC State over UNC, but I think you can handle it. Are you ready?

Crash Team Racing is better than Mario Kart.

The kart genre was once a one-horse town. Mario Kart stood tall, plucking its suspenders and laughing at anyone who dared to boast a challenge. Like a dictator looking over his hopeless country, Mario Kart mocked the video game world. But then one small hero named Crash Bandicoot came to save the day.

Crash started out like any other bandicoot — lying around the Australian outback looking for a nap. But because of frequent pestering by one Neo Cortex, Crash developed a knack for saving the day. His skills in spinning around in a circle, breaking wooden crates, and donning ancient tiki masks was unparalleled, and his enemies on Wumba island could do nothing but walk back and forth hoping Crash would choose not to drop one of his devastating belly-flops onto their head or back.

But Crash knew he was meant for more in the world. There had to be a greater meaning to his existence, and when he was called upon by the Sony gods to get his driver’s license and challenge the plumber from across the pond, he knew there was only once choice.

Crash Team Racing is what we in the blogging business call “better” than Mario Kart. It took every aspect of Mario Kart 64 and improved on it. Instead of obnoxious Toad, you have an adorable panda bear. Instead of a smelly banana, you have a tube of acidic potion. Instead of a boring menu, you have an open world where you’re able to drive from race to race. You even have more characters! Crash Team Racing was well aware that it was a copycat, so it did everything it could to make itself better. It even had incredibly bizarre commercials:

But what about the gameplay? Well, I’ll tell you. Crash succeeds there as well. The driving is just as slick as MK, the triggers are just as easy, and the rubber joystick is much more comfortable on your thumb than that awful plastic thing you get on N64. And yes, the controller does rumble! Again: everything that Mario has, CTR has, but it’s now better! Want to see for yourself? Take a look:

Now I know what your final argument will be. And Jake’s going to say it too. “What separates Mario Kart is its arrangement of classic characters!” But do you really want those down-trodden traditional characters that have been in your lives for the past two decades? This is your chance to stand up and try something new, and the fact is that every other part of CTR is so much better than MK. I like to think you owe it to yourselves to put some trust in Ripper Roo or the flame-thrower wielding crocodile named Dingodile. Honestly, a flame-throwing crocodile! How awesome does that sound? All Wario does is play with his mustache. This is your chance to start a revolution. Next time a friend says, “Hey guys, we could go over to my place and play Mario Kart,” stand up and proudly say, “Or we could head to MY place where I have CRASH TEAM RACING.” Finish it up with a slight look off to the side, a smile, and have a friend play “da-dah-dahhhh” on a keyboard in the background and you’ll be the coolest kid in school.